16 March 2015

The Pimple Popper

Different strokes for different folks.
It never ceases to amaze me how sexually deviant we can be. From the fondue cheese to the dildo gas mask to the Cthulhu tentacles, there's always something surprisingly new... and weird. If you can think it up, I guarantee there's someone getting off on it.
Once, while we were hanging out, my friend Zoe noticed that I had a few pimples on my back. She begged me to let her pop them and thinking it'd be funny, I let her do it. Zoe wrapped her legs around me and every time she popped a pimple, she squeezed me harder and whispered "mmm, half an orgasm". We didn't see anything wrong with it until her boyfriend found out. I guess seeing his girl quivering from pimple-popping induced half orgasms wasn't that funny. His jealousy also came from the fact that he was unequipped to satisfy her pimple popping needs. They broke up soon after. I haven't seen Zoe in years, but I wonder if she still gets that explosive discharge whenever she pops a pimple or if she's forgotten all about it.

12 February 2015

The Compassionately Impaired

"Just because he's in a wheelchair, doesn't mean he's not a fucking asshole. I don't want my brother to suffer any more pain then what he's already been through, I just wish I could chop off whatever is making him prey on people's sympathy and take advantage of their kindness. The little prick even laughs when he sees someone struggling and in pain. It's like he lost all his compassion when he lost his legs. Life fucked him up, I know that, but bitterness is no excuse to exploit and fuck people over."
The words of a friend of mine on his younger brother, Luther. Among Luther's many sins, there was the time when he made fun of a kid who's kitten had just died. Dead kittens are no laughing matter, I don't care who the fuck you are.

05 February 2015

The Relentless One

There is something fundamentally wrong with me: I always go for the most unstable of girls. Every single girlfriend I've ever loved has teared my heart out with her madness. It's not that they're mean or selfish, or even that they break up with me; it's just that they are so fucking crazy. Too jealous, too in-love, too unstable...
Her name was as unique as her soul, but we'll call her Marilyn. It started beautifully... Promises of a never ending love, a relentless love, enough to rip the world apart. And it did. My world. How can such a dazzling unstable universe promise a relentless love? It can't. Doomed from the start, it was obvious to all except to us, the blinded lovers. Like a kid who believes in Santa Claus, I thought she would be the relentless one.  And maybe some day she will, but for now, the only truth I know is:
Love will tear us apart. Relentlessly.

03 April 2013

The God Seeker

Someone told Vincent there were only two places where he could find God: Inside a church or at the bottom of a bottle.
Since Vincent's been fruitlessly going to church all his life, he recently chose the second path. Because of his pansy taste buds, Vincent is also forced to look for God through a crate of beer instead of a single bottle of the hard stuff. He drinks himself into oblivion seeking the answers that no one else can give him. Whenever I see him hungover the next morning, I ask if he's found God yet. His answer is always no. Vincent likes the feeling he gets from the process, though. He finds a certain peace in it. Personally, I prefer the godly peace I find in between a girl's thighs, but that's me. Vincent, he's the God Seeker... I hope he finds what he's looking for.

01 April 2013

The Voyage (interlude #11)

Temperature: -67ÂșC
Velocity: 813 km/h
Altitude: 12182m
Flight: TP107

It's been 2 decades since I've set foot on the land that witnessed my unholy birth. I know it's been awhile since I posted, but the motherland and I have a lot of catching up to do. Everyday, people restart their lives. Now, it's my turn.
Posts will resume shortly and some new stuff is in the works. Hope you guys are all doing well. Will visit each of you soon.

31 March 2013

The Shooter

We drag a lot of bullshit with us. Arrogance, hypocrisy, self-pity... 
Sometimes, we don't even realize it. Most times, we let these feelings linger by making  excuses for them or by finding someone as miserable as us. Misery loves company, right? My friend Rita has no patience for any of it. She has a thing for dressing up and wearing masks, but she's as honest as they come. She's her own hardest internal critic and has the same attitude towards everyone else. Rita will be your best friend if you've got a genuine problem, but she'll shoot you down like a mutant dog if you annoy her with your bullshit drama. With sarcastic fire and a witty hammer of irony, Rita will mold your bullshit into bullets of clarity and shoot the ugly truth into your soul. No mercy.
Shooters like Rita might wound our feelings (ego), but they help us see the truth.

30 March 2013

The Collaterally Damaged

It doesn't matter if Donnie also wanted to get in her pants. What matters is that he was nice to her... and paid for it. Sometimes, you try to be nice to a person and all you get for your troubles is shrapnel in the soul. Donnie didn't even get the sympathy you would give a victim. She was the victim here. Him? He was nothing but the collateral damage... less than a footnote in someone else's love story. What a shitty fate.

26 March 2013

The Fake Celebrity

Some bloggers are just so full of themselves. This guy Anton has a celebrity blog and he's always hungry for followers. What's the point of having a thousand followers if you don't care what any of them has to say and if they don't give a shit about you? He gets comments on every post, but they're all the same: "Hi! Amazing blog! Let's follow each other?" What's the point of these meaningless spews of nothingness? He also calls his readers 'his fans' and highlights his blog awards in a disgusting way. Singers give us songs. Actors give us characters. Even models give us sexy photos. Why do these kids act like celebrities when all they have to give are their vain dreams of being famous?
The internet shouldn't be a popularity contest. We should be using this platform to have fun, know other people, and maybe learn a few things. I'm not a hypocrite, I like having views and followers and I know it's impossible to keep in touch with everybody. However, I try my best to get to know other people and I look for meaning... This douchebag is as meaningful as a skid mark on a celebrity's pair of underwear.

22 March 2013

The Milk Carton Boy

Back when we were little kids, my friends and I would bitch about how our parents would always make us eat our vegetables and drink our milk. Edgar, however, never had to drink his milk. His parents were hotshot lawyers and we all thought they were more concerned with some new case than with their own son’s milk consumption. Edgar would also be gone for days without ever getting into trouble. We envied him, even though this lack of caring made him sad. Being a cocky asshole at the time, I made a joke about how one day Edgar’s parents would find his picture on a milk carton long before they even realized he was missing. Everyone laughed. Edgar didn't. He punched me in stomach, making me drop my milk, and walked away. I totally deserved it, but as the milk spilled over the ground, I could almost hear Edgar’s tears role down his cheeks.
I later found out that Edgar was actually lacto-intolerant. Even so, I'm sure he still wished his parents cared more about him.

18 March 2013

The Expired Lovers

Everything has an expiration date. Milk, rice, meat, cookies, beer, dreams... everything. Even most relationships are best enjoyed before a certain date. Canned stuff usually lasts a bit longer. It may even last a few years, but eventually, it too, will go bad. This is something Dagny and Hugo learned the hard way. Air oxidizes, bacteria grows, boredom settles in, goals change... It's a shame we don't have expiration-date labels to warn us when our relationships will start to spoil and rot. It would avoid a lot of heartbreak.
Although, it would probably take away some of the flavor, as well.